Forgiveness Can Help Improve Mental Health

Researches have studied forgiveness and what they have to say seems rather common sense, and of course we always enjoy proving something scientifically as well. Sometimes you can only take anecdotal information so far. Forgiveness is tied to anger, and anger can show up in many ways in our lives. We can choose to explode, avoid/suppress, process or hold on to those strong emotions. When "toxic" anger, comes into play, such as when we hold on, explode, or suppress this can effect our lives in various ways. Its important to point out that there is nothing wrong with healthy anger, but when anger is very deep and long lasting, it can do a number on us systemically. When you let go, forgive and process anger, your muscles relax, you're less anxious, you have more energy, your immune system can strengthen.

Forgiveness can also help rebuild self-esteem, this is because when people are beaten down by injustice, what results is the individual not liking themselves. However, when a person takes a stand up to the pain of what happened and offer goodness to the person who hurt them, they change your view of themselves.

What was found in the research that I'm referencing (link: http://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/01/ce-corner.aspx ) is that there are individuals that are more forgiving and those individuals tend to have higher levels of agreeableness and lower levels of neuroticism. People who have a tendency to ruminate are generally less quick to forgive, since they are more likely to hold onto grudges or hurt feelings. Hold onto anger can lead to depression and anxiety, by being sad over what has happened and by being fearful of future hurts are intensified due to continued hurt.

The research points to greater positive mental health outcomes when the people in the study practiced forgiveness. After all of that information, I'd imagine now that starting to practice forgiveness will be on the list of priorities to live a positive life.

Here are some tips on how to practice forgiveness:

1.  Developing and practicing empathy
2.  Stop keeping score between you and the world
3.  Take it to your journal and just let it all out
4.  Practice forgiving yourself first by allowing yourself to make mistakes and accept them as part of who you are
5. Practice gratitude of what you've learned from being hurt
6. Utilize stress management techniques such as taking deep breaths, doing a mindful breathing exercise, taking a walk outside
7. Allow yourself to feel your feelings without judgment
8. Shift your perspective to see forgiveness as a gift to yourself not to someone else
9. Consider the impact of holding on to the grudge

Removing Shame

Almost all parents and individuals arrive at this blog with the intention of wanting to help themselves or their teens. Perhaps you're thinking what is it going to take to finally be free of this pain and hurt, or perhaps you are in a "fix it" mode. Either way, you'll want to think about how to go about it in a healthy, effective and productive manner. There are tips on how to remove shame from parents and when "parenting yourself" with that inner voice, which I will list in a little bit. First off what is "shame" it is the inner experience of being "not wanted", it is feeling worthless, rejection, and being cast-out. Shame can be so painful, and debilitating that people develop a thousand coping strategies, conscious and unconscious, numbing and destructive, to avoid its tortures and soul crushing ways. Shame is the worst possible thing that can happen, because shame, in its profoundest meaning, conveys that one is not fit to live in one's own community or exist in a family unit without complying to its standards. It often creates unhealthy core beliefs in a person, such as believing they are always the victim or always the abuser, it sets people up to have low self-esteem, often the individual develops a controlling, rigid, and perfectionist personality. 

So to move beyond shame here are some helpful tips:

• Start by loving yourself. Look inward and see that you need loving-kindness and let go of the guilt over past wrong deeds and realize that you are not bad. Perhaps you've done "bad things" and regret them and vow not to repeat them, but you are not bad.
• Create affirmations that allow you to be who you are without any contingencies, example "I am smart, capable, and beautiful" or "I can do anything I put my mind to".

• Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is part of feeling connected. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. When we’re willing to risk being vulnerable and fully human, we open to our humanity. Vulnerability is big medicine. It is the truth that sets you free, lightens your heart, and heals your world.

• Find some humor in your situation. Shame can’t live in an atmosphere of humor and light. Having a laugh at yourself, the Universe or at your circumstances can help to release any anger and tension associated with your shame. 

• Own your story, because its all you, and it doesn't need to be in the dark no matter what your story is. By keeping your story in the dark, you are giving it power. Talk to your therapist, journal, talk to a trusted individual and tell your story when you feel safe enough to do so. 

Use these tools and you can help yourself heal from issues around:

• Addiction
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Eating disorders
• Perfectionism and other compulsive behaviors
• Chronic pain
• Digestive issues
• Social phobias

Reach out today if you'd like to find out more ways to work towards healing from Shame. 

Warning Signs of Sexual Abuse

Physical Signs

Direct physical signs of sexual abuse are not common. However, when physical signs are present, they may include bruising, bleeding, redness and bumps, or scabs around the mouth, genital, or anus. Urinary tract infections, sexually transmitted diseases, and abnormal vaginal or penile discharge are also warning signs.

There are other indirect physical signs that include:

• Persistent or recurring pain during urination or bowel movements
• Wetting or soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training
• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Chronic stomach pain
• Headaches

Emotional Signs

Emotional and behavioral signs or changes are more common and can include:

• Anxiety and depression
• Sleep disturbances, including nightmares or night terrors
• Change in eating habits
• Unusual fear of certain people or places; reluctance to be alone with a certain person
• Changes in mood that could including anger, aggressiveness towards parents, siblings, friends, pets
• Rebellion or withdrawal; runaway behavior
• Change in attitude towards school or academic performance; lack of interest in friends, sports, or other activities
• Unexplained or frequent health problems like headaches or stomach aches
• Poor self-esteem; avoidance of relationships
• Self-mutilation or change in body perception, like thinking of self or body as dirty or bad; suicidal thoughts
• Regression to previously outgrown behaviors, for example bedwetting or thumb sucking
• Abnormal sexual behaviors or knowledge of advanced sexual language and behaviors
• Too “perfect” behavior or overly compliant behavior

Yogic Breath Can Health Relieve Depression

If you've ever been in a yoga class, they most likely cued you to focus on your breath, this is done not only to make sure you're getting oxygen in your body, but also to increase mindfulness. In addition, the practice of deep breathing stimulates our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), responsible for activities that occur when our body is at rest. It functions in opposite to the sympathetic nervous system, which stimulates activities associated with the flight-or-fight response. In other words, breathing deeply/using yogic breath signals your nervous system (including your BRAIN) to relax and rest.

By making the choice to voluntarily change the rate, depth, and pattern of our breathing, we can change the messages being sent from the body’s respiratory system to the brain. These messages from the respiratory system have a rapid, powerful effects on major brain centers involved in thought, emotion, and behavior.

Here are three ways to practice yogic/deep breathing to help relieve depression:

Coherent Breathing

This breath is achieved by counting to five inhaling and count to five exhaling. These five-minute rate breathing maximizes the heart rate variability (HRV), a measurement of how well the parasympathetic nervous system is working.  The higher the HRV the better because a higher HRV is associated with a healthier cardiovascular system and a stronger stress-response system.

Resistance Breathing

Resistance breathing is exactly what its name suggests: breathing that creates resistance to the flow of air.  So, simply breathe out of our nose, to create more resistance than breathing through the mouth. and Inhale deeply and slowly in this way.

Breath Moving

An example of Breath Moving is as follows:

As you breathe in, imagine you are moving your breath to the top of your head. As you breathe out, imagine you are moving your breath to the base of your spine, your perineum, your sit bones. Each time you breathe in, move the breath to the top of the head. Each time you breathe out, move the breath to the base of the spine. Breathe in this circuit for ten cycles.

Try it out for 5-10 minutes a day and record your results each day, to see if you are making any progress.